Introduction and Dedication
“When History Meets Destiny” is a labor of love based upon a true story. It is written in the form of a journal that originally was developed as the events transpired. After each entry, you will see a brief devotional that will allow you to apply the precepts to your own lives well as a prayer to help you along. It is my desire that you are blessed as you read this story and share it with others.
I thank the Lord first of all for His unconditional love and constant nurture and offer this work back to Him for His glory and the advancement His Kingdom. To Him belongs all praise and honor!
I also thank the Lord for the blessings from those He has allowed to walk with me. This work would not have been possible without the love and support of my family: Dr. Michael Anderson Sr. and my son’s Michael and Johnathan as well as my Church family, The Healer’s House Ministries, Inc., led by Pastors Lawrence and Lisa Marie Fox. Thank you all for your unconditional love, wise counsel and support.
– Ebony P. Anderson
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY- Meeting History in the Closet
This afternoon, after years of procrastination, I went to the back of my the closet and pulled out the shabby, black music case. It was not as heavy as I expected, maybe because I was no longer 15 years old or maybe because the contents had weighed on my heart all this time. Guilt washed over me as realized how scuffed and worn it was.
As if flipping back years, I snapped back the dull silver latches, and heard a creek as the old case unfolded. I expected to be dazzled by the golden glow draped in royal blue velvet when I opened the box, but instead was disappointed by the interior that now resembled blue fuzz and a saxophone that was dusty , even rusty in some places. To my dismay, the sax was just barely holding a dull shine.
I quickly slammed the lid shut but not before I could hear soft echoes of my Grandfather’s voice. With mixed emotions, I recalled days when I was my son Michael’s age and I would go to his house to practice playing. I remembered how animated he was when he told stories about playing for Lena Horne, and saluting President Roosevelt as he led the military corp.
That very sax gave me the love I still have today for music and live bands. I will never forget the awe I had when I mastered my first piece of music . On the day of band practice , my small harmony came alive when it met a melody and was so much more significant after that initial day.
A pang of regret washed over me as I remember that I never quite understood the art of improvising, which was just making music on queue. I remembered how I was not so great at it and how that was the beginning of my desire to quit. There were so many other activities that commanded my attention in High School after all . My heart aches even now as I think about the fact that soon after my Grandfather’s death, that sax found a new place in the back of my closet. I am ashamed at how disappointed my Grandfather would have been.
Well, my son Michael wants to learn how to play. So many times, he has pulled it out of the closet and brought it to me. So many times, I have snatched it back, sometimes not too nicely and said. “Leave MY sax alone! You are not ready!” Well, today, those days are over. I am giving this sax to Michael along with a legacy of the love of music and of sharing that flows from generation to generation in my family. Today, “HISTORY” is meeting “DESTINY”.
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY –Facing Regret , Guilt and Shame
So many times in life, we come face to face with things before we are ready to deal them. Regrets have their way of catching us at times when we are least prepared. Many times our regret, guilt and shame may be tied to an object. At one point in time that saxophone represented all three of them for me. When I looked at it , it was unbearable. I could become angry and irritable at just the sight of it.
Our anger and frustration can be unreasonable and difficult to control when they are linked to objects that tie us to past events. This can make us feel vulnerable and helpless. There should be nothing in our lives that has this hold over us.
The Lord is saying,“I am here to help you! I want to remove the burden and shame of the past, and make you brand new. Give those things to me!”
Isaiah 54:4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
What regrets do you have in your life that you not sure how to face? What has transpired that makes you feel guilty? What possessions do you have that make you feel ashamed? If you identify with any of these questions, will you take a moment to pray with me?
Dear Lord, I feel ____________ (regretful, guilty and ashamed), when I see ________________ or when I think about _____________. I realize that this has brought anger and frustration due to fear. I ask you Lord to help me to face the things that I feel bad about.. Lord I know that when I come to you in honesty, with a whole heart, you are faithful and just to forgive me of sin and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9). I ask you to forgive me for _______.I ask you to wash me now in the precious blood of Jesus. Please tell me and show me how to be totally free from any hurts and pains associated with this situation. If this is an object that I should not own, I ask you to give me further instructions on how I should remove it from my life. Help me to deal with what this object represents. Show me how to walk free of regret, guilt and shame in every area of my life. In Jesus name AMEN.
Genesis 2 and 3, Proverbs 13:12
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY- Buried
When my Grandfather died, I cried and cried and cried a river, until there were no tears left. I did not know what to do with my grief, so putting that instrument away was a way of me forgetting. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Well, so much for my efforts. Today I had another good cry, washed my face, and cried all over again. It seems like I had not just put a sax back in the closet, but buried my grief . In my mind, it was done, settled. I may have removed it from view, but all I really did was leave an open, gaping sore in my heart. Twenty years later, there was obviously still a little more crying to do.
When I pushed the sax in the closet, my intentions were to put an end to mourning my Grandfather, and my lackluster music career. While he was alive, I tried to tell him I was quitting, but he would not hear it. The pain of transgressing his wishes is still there.
When I look at that saxophone, it is bitter sweet. I am so glad I am turning it over, passing it down. In my hands, it feels like failure, what could have been but wasn’t, just “HISTORY.” It reminds me of my Granddaddy, losing him and giving up too soon. However, in my son’s hands, I sense a new hope, and a new chapter; a fresh love arising with unlimited possibilities. I see “DESTINY”. And so the sax will sing again, AMEN.
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY –Digging up Buried Pain
The death of my Grandfather had to be one of the most painful moments in my life. The funeral came and went, and everything seemed to go back to normal. As a child, I did not quite know how to process or deal with that pain. My parents went back to work, I went back to school, and so it was seemingly natural to shove that saxophone as far back into the closet as I could and move on with life.
As I pushed it in the closet, I was unconsciously also shoving down the pain inside, burying the loss of my Grandfather deep, down in my heart. This cost me immediately as my musical skills were buried as well. Years later I could not stop crying. I know that when this happens at times, we often chalk it up to being emotional. I am so glad that I didn’t because this is the evidence that something was wrong, terribly wrong inside.
We bury so many things: regrets, guilt and shame about things we have done. Often we also bury offenses that have kept us from forgiving others for the things that they have done to us. If we hold on to hurts like these, they tie us to the event. The memory of it, allows a re-living of it that causes us pain all over again. If we do not forgive, the Bible says that God is not able to forgive us of our sins or cleanse us. It removes us from fellowship with Him.
So what happens to pain pushed down? A lot of times in scripture the Lord Jesus taught us in parables. Through these, especially the Parable of the Sower, (Mark 4), I have found that our hearts can be likened to a garden. When we push things down into our hearts, it is like pushing a seed into fresh soil as if we were sowing a seed. Our Bible says, that we reap what we sow (Job 4:8). So, if I am sowing pain I am going to reap a harvest of pain.
We wonder why we are angry, sad or bitter at times for no apparent reason, yet we have buried hurts and pains and disappointments that we are acting out of because instead of working and moving through them , we have carried them with us deep down in our hearts. It affects our moods and attitudes, it effects what we believe and say and do. (Luke 6:45)
I know that things buried by us eventually rise to the surface, and there is a good time to deal with them in God’s perfect light.
What we bury also take up precious real estate in our hearts. In our hearts we dream, we love, we embrace the light of God. If it is filled with these negative emotions, we have traded the love, which is something precious for something that is temporal and defiled.
If you feel you have buried something and need to bring it to the Lord, please pray with me:
Lord I have buried _____________.I know that when I bury negative emotions they bring forth a harvest of the same. I have pushed these things into my heart because I could not deal with them ,but now I realize I need to bring them to You Lord. You are able to take this that I have buried and bring healing from any painful remembrance of that situation. Forgive me if I have blamed You for these issues.
I forgive ______________ I realize that forgiveness is a decision and not something they necessarily deserve. When I forgive, it allows me to keep fellowship with You and others because I can be forgiven. I am now free from the torment of the painful memories of the past. I choose to forgive them by faith and not based on how I feel right now. If I need to ask someone’s forgiveness I will go to them now. Allow me to be free regardless of their reaction to my heartfelt apology. I also forgive myself realizing that You Lord have forgiven me.
I thank you Lord, for bringing me wholeness and freedom in my heart. As I bring my heart to you I ask you to minister healing from every hurt. You alone can make me whole. Fill every empty space with the Love of God. In Jesus Name AMEN.
Mark 11:26, Luke 6:27, Hosea 10:12, Matt 13:3-23; Mark 4:2-20; Luke 8:4-15
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY- Resurrection Power
Well, I took the Sax to the music store to see if it needed tuning up. The guy at the counter looked it over and let out a big sigh when he saw it. “Arrgh !” he exclaimed. “They do not make these anymore!”
“Then it is an antique”, I decided, with a giggle as I looked on. He “No,” with an emphasis on the O, “… That makes it OLD!”
He clicked the keys, “Hmm”, he grunted as he pressed, and then, “Oh No” as he click, click, clicked on the horn. What I saw was “History and Destiny”. What he saw was a lot of work, to find screws to fit an instrument that was not made anymore; he saw some jerry rigging and soldering. He saw a headache coming on! His diagnosis, at least $75 along with a miracle to fix the holder that was not available for one of the base keys.
I think that some of his antics were so he would be able to deliver that price, but he did not realize that it no matter what, it was my full intention to get that horn fixed. I looked at that sax and thought about my dreams, not for my son to be some great horn player, although that would be nice, but for afternoons of teaching him how to play. I thought the years gone by, and how while I was delaying, the pads on the instrument were deteriorating, the crevices were catching rust, and dust was settling in on it.
Then, I thought about my Father, our Heavenly Father that is, that gave us authority to hold RESSURECTION POWER in our hands. I thought about God who heard my prayers a few weeks ago, and listened to me while I was praying. As I prayed, I asked Him not only to break destructive patterns but to restore generational blessings. I remembered that God promised to restore the years. HE promises as we walk in Him not just to bring us out, but to RESTORE US and all that concerns us.
I thought about all this as I looked at the man who said $75 with doubt in his voice. I could not explain it to him. All I could do was thunder two words back at him.
His expression conveyed that I said this a little too loudly, but without another word, he went to get a form for me to fill out and said to come back in two weeks. He did not realize that my words meant I was commanding it to be done. Although he was worried, I was content to know that my FATHER would perfect that which concerns me. I was content to believe that somehow his work on THAT horn would not be as hard as he thought, because this horn was special; this horn had a history to uphold, and a destiny to accomplish. There was no time or reason to explain. “DO IT” was all I could muster.
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY – Resurrection of Hope
Resurrection means to awaken and to arise, to bring what is dead to life. God alone holds that power not only to fix our brokenness but to resurrect areas in our lives that seem dead, where it looks like all hope is lost. In the Gospels, we find the story of Lazarus. (John 11) Jesus, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, allowed Lazarus to die that God would get the glory, to show us that even in the face of death, which is our worst enemy, we can still be victorious.
I have some situations that need resurrecting, some things that surely died in my life, don’t you ? Aren’t you tired of just accepting them as fact and accepting sure defeat? I am.
In Christ we have hope of resurrection. Before Jesus raised Lazarus from the tomb He said to Martha, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see the Glory of God if you believed?” (John 11:40). Faith is a requirement in order to receive resurrection power in our lives. Once it is in place, the things that are impossible with man are possible with God (Luke 18:27)
John 11: 1-45, Ezekiel 37:1-14, Joel 2:25-27
Will you receive that hope today?
I am struggling with _______________ which seems to be a dead area in my life. All hope in this area seems to be lost. I put this situation in your hands. Your ways and Your thoughts are higher than mine so let me see the issue through Your eyes. I choose Your desires over my own. Show me Your will for this situation as I exercise my faith to believe that all things are possible in You. I thank you for Resurrection Power being made manifest to bring this dead thing to life . In Jesus Name – AMEN
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY- On Brokeness
2 Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the Excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
One of my Pastors said something very profound this weekend. She said. “You cannot get a perfect song out of a broken instrument.”
I almost fell out of my chair. You see before the other day, I had taken my sax out of the closet to blow on it. Just to see if “I still had it,” you know how we do, we do that with talents or looks or abilities that we have not used. If we were football players, guys, we may pull out the pigskin. If we had good figures, we may pull out that dress, where we looked so good ladies. Just to see if we still had skills, or looks or whatever. Some times we find that don’t measure up to expectations, and we are disappointed. I was. I pulled out that instrument. Put it to my lips and tried to blow hard on it. It blared out a flat note and it sounded terrible. But I did not realize that it was not me that was the problem. It was BROKEN. I took it to the shop because it had not been played in a while, 15 or so years. I thought that I had lost “IT”. I did consider the fact that the horn needed a little tuning up. But I did not think that it was in such bad condition that it wouldn’t play. I think on the saints of God and how God wants us to be Instruments of Righteousness. The Bible says that we have treasure in earthen vessels that hold the Excellency of the power of God. But, that power, no matter how perfect, how excellent), cannot come forth, if we are BROKEN.
I am not talking about brokenness that has to do with being humble before God; I am talking about hurts and pains that affect our character, our mindsets, our self image and our words and actions. I am taking about a vase with a hole in it that cannot possibly hold water or in this example, a saxophone with leaks that cannot possibly hold a note. If Jeff Majors himself tried to play that sax the other day, he would not have been able. So, neither can God, no matter how gifted He has made us, use us as an instrument to do a perfect work when we have leaks and cracks, areas in our lives that need to be healed because we are broken.
The enemy wants those of us to think that we do not have what it takes, that we are worthless, that we are no good but James 1:17 says that every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. That treasure, that gift to “play” or whatever is there, in each and every one of us. Some of us have talents and gifts that we do not even know we have because they are buried under low self esteem.
Each and every one of us has been made by God, who had an awesome plan for our lives.
Each and every one of us has gifts, and talents that were bestowed for a purpose.
Each and every one of us has been given a unique and extraordinary assignment to fulfill on this earth.
The devil wants us to think that we are nothing, have nothing and will never be anything because of the circumstances we find ourselves in, or because of the times that we have lain dormant, but the devil is a liar!
Selah… (Which means to think quietly about this !)
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY – Treasure in the Pot
2 Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the Excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
The passage in second Corinthians describes us as “earthen vessels” or pots of clay. Clay pots are fragile; they can chip, crack, and break. Let’s look at Jeremiah 18 to see what God thinks about that brokenness.
The LORD gave another message to Jeremiah. He said, “Go down to the shop where clay pots and jars are made. I will speak to you while you are there.”So I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so the potter squashed the jar into a lump of clay and started again. Then the LORD gave me this message:”O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand. (Jeremiah 18:1-6)
The passage said the jar did not turn out right. I do not believe that this points to an error on the part of the potter. Clay is imperfect. It has pockets of air, it has small fragments of stone, it can dry up or be too moist, it is inconsistent in its texture at times. The potter did not seem to be overly concerned with the imperfections of the jar. He just got to work on making it again. God desires to do that with us. He says, can’t you and I be just like the Potter and the clay? He is able to make us again, as long as we are soft and pliable in His hand.
James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
Now here we can rejoice because we find out here, that it is not about the pot, but what is in it! No matter how broken we are , how marred our pot looks, if God has given us a gift, then there is no doubt that it is GOOD and it is PERFECT. This is without question, whatever He does is good and perfect. This is true even when the expression of that said gift is imperfect. We understand that because the gift needs to be expressed through a vessel, that the vessel plays a very large role in the way that the gift is revealed in the world. But when God does something, it is good and it is perfect. I am sure that most of you identified with me when I was writing about the broken sax . There are times when we all feel broken.
I know that God does have some work to do in me. But when I think of the Lord, I can be confident that He who began a good work in me, shall complete it until it is finished (Philippians 1:6). I can remember that I am the clay and He is the potter, and though I may not understand everything that is happening, He knows and sees all, and when I trust in Him, there will be a time , that when tried, I will come forth as pure gold. (1Peter 1:7)
No matter where we find ourselves, no matter what we look like, no matter what we have or have not done, we have a part that is just like God. We have a spirit, and that spirit is perfect, incorruptible and unchanging. 2 Corinthians 4:7 in the NLT says:
“But this precious treasure–this light and power that now shine within us–is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own.”
The Father of Lights touches our spirit as He wills and leaves a gift. It is good and it is perfect. Nothing can change that. But we must become vessels that can express that gift in purity; we must be transformed by the renewing in our minds, that we can share what He has given us with the world. We must do this so we can prove, “what is that good, what is that acceptable and what is that perfect will of God”. Help us Lord. Will you pray that the Lord will make you into the vessel he desires you to be?
Lord I do not feel like a beautiful vessel but a broken, clay pot. I thank you for the hope that you have given by letting me know that you desire to make me again. I know I have messed up __________, and I thought I would have to live with the (regret, guilt, shame of that), but now I see that you desire to make me again. My mistakes do not define who I am , but Your word says, that all things become new when I come to You . I give you permission to reshape me into the vessel of honor You desire me to be. In Jesus Name – AMEN
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY – Shine
I got the sax back.
And when I saw it ….I was disappointed.
It was fixed alright, but it was still dirty and the bill was over a $100. As I pulled out my credit card, I started to ask for the manager. I wanted to tell him why I was never stepping foot back in his shop again ; beginning with how the repairman made me feel like he was doing me a favor by coming there , and ending with how the price was way over the quote.
At least, they could have cleaned it!
But, I did not complain. …I just asked for some polish .You see, some things, only love can do.
When we got home, we cleaned off the debris and dust and began to rub on that horn. We rubbed long after it was clean because we wanted it to shine.
As I smoothed my cloth over it, I wanted so much to see my reflection there. The more I rubbed , the more it gleamed and shimmered as the light rose up on it.
I could see my face and Michael’s as well.
I would not trade those moments for anything in the world, as Michael and I shined that horn up together and we saw History give way.
WHEN HISTORY MEETS DESTINY – It is Time to Shine
2Cr 4:6a For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts,
We are birthed into the kingdom, but we still have to be cleaned up to receive the Glory and reflect Christ. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, but, our Daddy God knows all about the shining process and HE is waiting to do it in us and through us. He is waiting, to work on it together with us. Glory Hallelujah!
God has shined light, that which is good and perfect, that which is incorruptible in our hearts. That light was put there for a purpose, for a reason, a treasure in our earthen vessel that should not stay hidden. As we get cleaned up, as we are polished, all that is in us that would hide that light and hinder it from coming forth must be removed. Every weight every sin that so easily beset us, every stronghold every fleshly battle that we fight, must be won, until that light can shine back on the surface, showing that the enemy “has nothing in us” and that we truly are Christ’s, filled with all His fullness. That light must shine forth in everything we do and in everything we say, that light should rise upon our countenance as the day dawns and the morning star arises in our hearts.
2 Ch4:6b to [give] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
We become able to do and say the right things because we know that we are God’s, we know that it is for His Glory, and even with the rubs of adversity we can shine. WE CAN SHINE! We can shine as the brightest of lights in the darkest of places and reflect the image of our Beloved Savior!
Is 60:1 Arise and shine for your Light has come.. and the Glory .. of the Lord has arisen upon you…
Are YOU ready to shine?
Oh Lord I have a desire to bring forth Your glory. I realize that this requires that I go through the shining process. I have begun by letting go of past hurts, forgiving those who have offended me and releasing the pain. I have given situations over to you that seem dead in my life, and I have asked you to make me over again into a vessel of honor. Father I ask you also to polish and shine me so that I can bring forth the Your light in the darkest places. I yield myself to you fully and completely in Jesus Name AMEN.
Copyright© Ebony P. Anderson 2009
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